Would You Like to Ditch?
His Answers Might Surprise You
How do you balance it all?
That question immediately conjures up different responsibilities that we face every day.... relationships, family, career, ministry, and the often overlooked, self-care. Did specifics for you come to mind as I asked that question?
Last year, my two words were nourishing and expansion. The Father told me in the middle of expansion, He was growing me in ways that would show me how He wanted to nourish me. Relationships, rest, family, creativity, these would be given to me in greater measure. Funny, the areas of family and opportunity were often at odds. Time scheduled for writing and speaking would be challenged by impromptu visits by those I love. The internal tension of desiring my deep relationships began to be managed through internal scheduling of “how to pull it all off”.
I’ve been asking for a new way.
Father, how can I stay so connected with you in the middle of schedules, deadlines, important events, and ministry? I also want to enjoy our relationship through every element of writing, receiving Your revelations in conversation, hearing your voice throughout the entire process. I have asked Him to breakthrough for me in a consistent manner. No striving. No pushing through for deadliness. Strengthened with Him, not on my own abilities.
Basically, intimacy uninterrupted. Staying present with family and friends, regardless. This was my Big Ask.
In DC, while ministering at a conference for entrepreneurs, I had a deep encounter with the Father’s heart on many levels for an extraordinary group of people whom I had just met. He opened me up to experience, to a minute degree, His mercy, His compassion, His anger against those who have been dispossessed. The pain centered right in the middle of my chest, as if a tangible weight. It was so heavy. Oppressive. I’d find myself uncontrollably weeping, unable to be released from the deep sorrow. Five days after returning home, there was no relief in sight.
All of this occured the week before Lifestreams. I was mid process in my writing. For days, I sat in my chair, attempting to refocus, despite the pain I was experiencing. My work was slow, laborious, flat.
I pressed in with truth, “Let the weak say I am strong.” I prayed. I pondered. I sat holed up, waiting to enjoy the depth of His presence again. My husband prayed over me and I felt some of the burden leaving. He met me in it.
“I am helping you in this. Release again into My hands.” Came His comforting voice.
Curriculum was written for first timeline. Research was done. Scriptures were found. It was still not complete. I was battling the pressure of pressing through. “You showed me Your heart for your people in DC. What about your children in San Diego?”
What is my narrative that is keeping me from trusting You in this?
“You are confused in your obedience. I want to speak to you in a fresh way.” He whispered.
“Should I write for a few more hours?”
“What do you wantto do?” He wanted to know what was waiting inside of me?
“I’d like to take a break.” Came my fatigued answer.
“And do what?”
Horrible when your heart’s desires go blank.
I felt like a child playing hide and seek, but not sure what to seek. Not even sure where to begin looking.
“Didn’t I get you tickets to hear Christine Caine?” He knew I needed a big clue. Schedule and obligation stepped right up front, visions and voices in my internal narrative were demanding that I look away from His face and back to them.
“How will I get it done?” My trust was trying to tie into a scheduled response that relied more on my ability than His grace.
“But... what do you want to do?” He felt like a friend asking you to ditch school.
The stark reality of my current inspiration block was the final nudge. Nervously, I said “Yes, Let’s do it!”, feeling like I was skipping a high school exam for ski day. I packed a bag, leaving all behind to drive up and use those tickets! Two days later brought the perfect talk by Christine Caine, a surprise visit with my mom, a bridal shower for my niece, and a beautiful dinner with my 88-year-old dad over sloppy BBQ ribs that get over everything.
Savoring the weekend, returning inspired and nourished to finish writing, I wrote this in my journal to HIm the night before Lifestreams.
Enjoy His beautiful words spoken to each one of us.
11. March
My Daughter,
I want to reposition who people are in me. I want to release them from the bondage of performance, self -sabotage, pain, all shame, and the pervasive way the enemy speaks to their hearts through what they hear whispered. I will open them up to discern the moment the enemy brings in his deceptive thinking that takes them away from who they are, who I created them to be. I am ushering each of you into the beauty and power of My presence.
Precious One, I am teaching you a new way of life so that you are refreshed in Me. This was a gift this week to allow you to go to different places, hear new words, enjoy your friends and your family without being holed up at home. You have a desire for excellence. You have a desire for research to provide the best truth that you can give them. I am breaking you into new places in My Spirit that will anoint what you have to offer them.
Tomorrow is about repositioning them where they’ve been dispossessed. The enemy is stealing their stake in the ground. He is taking what I’ve already won for them and tossing it aside through religious and constraining belief systems. You see how the amygdala grows with use, taking away facts and bringing in a false emotional state. I will take care of emotions, hearing my children’s hearts, but it must be brought to My throne. I will not bow to the lies. I am incapable of bowing to anything or anyone. I stay at my throne. This is where I long to elevate my children.
You don’t need to perform(pressing from joy and revelation to “working harder” to get it done), when you can choose to enter into My rest and My thinking. This is the depth of what I’m doing for you and the depth of what the enemy desires to steal. This is why the two heart conflicts (family and ministry) keep being scheduled at the same time, to make you try and choose. I sit you on high with Me. In my presence, I am making a way. Did you see how you were able to enjoy your mother, your father, go to your niece’s shower and then hear Christine Caine with Amy. You would have missed this and stayed under the whisper of time constraint and false obedience. I will inspire you when to work and when to take a physical break. All will be done with My voice in peace and rest. My revelations are fresh for you and fresh for those I have given you to minister to. They are My sheep and they will hear My voice through you.
Rest now.
Sleep now.
Enjoy the evening with your husband.
I cherish you,
Your Delighted Father
Let’s continue to allow Him to identify the internal narrative that are stealing our joy, peace, refreshment, intimacy and strength on a moment by moment basis. Let’s allow Him to realign us into His ways that are so much better than our own.
What internal narrative are you breaking free from this month? He is here to speak to you in unexpected ways that will change everything!